shut up christine | |
Thursday, July 30, 2009 ( 9:02 PM ) shut up christine watch meh exam results came in today. i did alright (A+, son) sukh thinks i'm an idiot :( back when the election was going on, he'd ask me things like do you know how long a presidential term lasts? 4 years. there are two main parties, the democrats and republicans, did you know that? and i would humor this canadian and let him drop his knowledge on american politics. turns out he wasn't joking, he sincerely thinks i'm a dumbass i would think that he, of all people, would have a little more faith in me. and it hurts! it hurts. normally i would kick back and half-ass. study an hour before the final and still pass the class but you know what, eff that. i'm going to get ace every quiz, every pop-quiz, every test, every assignment, every paper, every lab. going to bring my A-game to every single class i'm going to get a 4.0, just to spite him # ( 2:06 PM ) shut up christine a stranger sent me this email. i'm going to print it and hang it on my wall. I want to share something with you that I wrote a while ago for English class. It needed to be a narrative of something significant in our lives. It's not well written, but it's about walk for hope =] Walk for hope really changed my life and impacted me with all the inspirational quotes. Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of this event =] “Be Unrestricted” A Walk for Hope Narrative Be bold. Be in awe. Be passionate. It was one day of the year where baggage was completely thrown off your shoulders, where no one focuses on negativity, where nothing molds itself into the dark and harsh corners of the world. One day of the year, one day to be true to yourself. One day to Walk for Hope, one day to Be the Cause. Picket signs were set up among this three mile peace walk. Inspirational quotes splattered with hundreds of different colors, hand drawn pictures, and styles of creativity were put out on display telling me to “speak your mind even if your voice shakes.” Telling me “the only thing that’s worst than being blind, is having sight but no vision.” I took pictures of the quotes I liked the most. After about a mile, there was an activity. I saw strips of white paper fluttering from a tree, all with words I could not quite make out. I was approached by several volunteers. “Can you write the name of someone you want to forgive? If not, you can write your definition of forgiveness on it.” I thought about this for a long time. What is there for me to forgive? Isn’t it just, acknowledging someone and caring for them after you’ve had disputes or being appreciative of them after prolonging fights and arguments? It really isn’t that simple. Forgiveness is not a word commonly thrown around. My mother walked out on my family, for, I guess you can say a better one. I once had a grip on everything, planned my own pavement towards success. When she left, I saw my grades slip and everything I once had so much control and order over fall flat out of my hands. I’ve seen her cause endless tears to my sister. I’ve seen my dad get sick and weary over her with a new struggle on his plate, trying to keep this family together. But it was far too late. Our family fell apart, shattered to pieces. Life was not as easy as it once was. I was now in second priority to my mother, compared to when I was the focus of her world. I’ve hated her for so long, felt so frustrated and neglected that my own mother left me. It was as though I was no longer important. Still today I know I am not important. It took me endless tears to finally realize it was time to move on. I stared back onto this fresh strip of white paper. I grabbed a sharpie from the table and closed my eyes. Swiftly bringing my sharpie to my paper, I opened my eyes and wrote down four words—four words that changed my life forever. I forgive you mother. She abandoned me. I understand that, and I cannot stress it enough how much anger I have towards her. But she was never a bad mother. Upon bringing me up, I’ve learned hard work and sacrifice through her. I’ve learned right from wrong, high morals and standings, and for that I have thanks to give. I’ve learned to not let two years of pain overshadow all of this. “Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine.” My wounds will heal if I let it. And I did.# Tuesday, July 28, 2009 ( 2:10 AM ) shut up christine Es ist Laecherlich, auf jemandem zu warten, der nicht kommt. It is ridiculous to wait for someone who isn't coming. i like this song. # Thursday, July 16, 2009 ( 5:18 AM ) shut up christine kermit is in japan serving vipassana courses he sent me this email. thank you tim, i needed this right now. i miss you PARAMITA The Perfections 1. Dana - Generosity May I be generous and helpful. 2. Sila - Morality May I be well-disciplined and refined in manners. May I be pure and clean in all my dealings. May my thoughts, words and deeds be pure 3. Nekkhama - Renunciation May I not be selfish and self-possessive, but selfless and disinterested. May I be able to sacrifice my pleasure for the sake of others. 4. Panna - Wisdom May I be wise and able to see things as they truly are. May I see the light of truth and lead others from darkness to light. May I be enlightened and be able to enlighten others. 5. Viriya - Energy May I be energetic, vigorous and persevering. May I strive diligently until I achieve my goal. May I be fearless in facing dangers and courageously surmount all obstacles. May I be able to serve others to the best of my ability. 6. Khanti - Patience May I ever be patient. May I be able to bear and forbear the wrongs of others. May I ever be tolerant and see the good and beautiful in all. 7. Sacca - Truthfulness May I ever be truthful and honest. May I not swerve from the path of truth. 8. Adhitthana - Determination May I be firm and resolute and have an iron will. May I be soft as a flower and firm as a rock. May I ever be high-principled. 9. Metta - Loving Kindness May I ever be kind, friendly and compassionate May I be able to regard all as my brothers and sisters and be one with all. 10. Upekkha - Equanimity May I ever be calm, serene, unruffled and peaceful. May I gain a balanced mind May I have perfect equanimity. May I serve to be perfect. May I be perfect to serve. # Tuesday, July 14, 2009 ( 3:29 AM ) shut up christine raju has become my personal trainer and every morning he sends me an encouraging text to wake up and go running he gives me workout assignments and makes me keep a food log and sometimes i hate it but i need this right now since i don't yet have the discipline to do it on my own. even though i growl every time i lace up my sneakers, the way to repay him is by taking care of myself and when i reflect on that for a second -- that his only benefit is my benefit; that he gets nothing else out of this and STILL calls my ass every morning -- then dammit i will do it # Wednesday, July 08, 2009 ( 6:33 PM ) shut up christine i have taken over a small patch of dirt next to the papaya tree in our front yard. i'm growing basil, lemon thyme, mint, nasturtiums, and fennel. i love taking care of it, and it makes me happy # Wednesday, July 01, 2009 ( 10:40 AM ) shut up christine time i want to - become proficient in the abacus - learn how to parallel park - swim at the deep end - grow a garden - get my showers down to 8 minutes - climb the ladder to the attic and not get scared - cook something great we can do it # |