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Friday, July 30, 2010 ( 3:02 AM ) shut up christine m is a quiet and reserved person. he doesn't talk about himself that often, doesn't show a whole lot of emotion do you know what i found floating in his closet today? a balloon that i gave him for his birthday
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Wednesday, July 28, 2010 ( 2:39 PM ) shut up christine out of all the fun things we've done this summer, these 2 small things are my favorite 1. he spends 10 minutes combing my hair then we go crabbing at fisherman's wharf and its hella windy and my hair becomes a matted ball and he says nooooo all my hard work and he sits on the pier detangling it 2. we wanted to have a picnic at the park but we had to jump down one of the walls of the parking structure. i'm scared of heights even though it was only like 5 feet up, and he had his arms around my waist saying he would carry me down and i kept kicking him away, telling him to wait wait wait just give me a minute, and he waited on the wall with me for 15             b. sculpture in front of museum of contemporary art c, d, e. camping at sequoia national forest f. biking across golden gate bridge g, h. third & army, san francisco i. wicked j. we found a real Banksy in chinatown, sf! k. crabbing, fisherman's wharf sf # Sunday, July 25, 2010 ( 11:49 PM ) shut up christine i'm back from my vipassana course this experience seemed considerably less painful than the first except it probably was just as painful but this time i was a little more able to face it on day 6 a very old pain came up some things we keep deeply hidden out of sight out of mind then some 2 decades later you are at a course sitting 10 hours a day in meditation, and out of nowhere in between breaths it unravels, piercing and tearing the surface what is a beating? you, reading this, whoever you are, you probably got the belt too when you were a kid. so many of us did do you know what qualities constitute a beating? is it one whip of the belt, or one after the other? is it when the skin breaks? i remember one instance when i got it really bad, after i effed up a piano lesson and my teacher had a long stern talk with my mom. this is to teach you a lesson though i still suck at playing the piano i hope i'm not demonizing my parents this is how they were raised and this is what they know i trust and i share this just as an observation of myself. there is a sadness here, and i acknowledge its existence can't go back in time, can't place blame now. so what path do i take from here? i think the only thing i can do is resolve not to carry on this tradition. this sankhara will pass away with me anywho my roomie sat in front of me and a few times i peeked thru the slits of my eyelids and she was always the picture of peace and serenity, an unflinching statue, a pillar of strength and i'd be like i am in f*****g agony! my butt f*****g hurts what am i doing wrong what am i doing here, she can do this so i can do this i can do this i can do this and when i spoke to her for the first time on day 10 i came to learn that she had been struggling and had a massive breakdown on day 8 each of us, enduring so much suffering, silently next to each other helping each other sorry this was such a long post. i haven't spoken for 9 days so i have a lot to say :) one last thing - in june i posted a picture of the garden outside my window  this is what it looks like now!  everything is constantly growing and changing arising, passing away # Wednesday, July 14, 2010 ( 2:05 AM ) shut up christine around this time of year i like to take a moment to reflect on my life 26 was my most difficult year, but in retrospect it has also been the most meaningful i'm going to sit quietly for ten days. peace # Monday, July 05, 2010 ( 9:43 PM ) shut up christine it has taken me almost 27 years to realize that my father and i cannot understand each other at times i am overwhelmed at the thought of all the things we will never be able to say but it doesn't mean we don't love each other # Friday, July 02, 2010 ( 4:26 AM ) shut up christine  joel: i know clementine: what do we do? joel: enjoy it i love that movie i just registered seven classes for fall semester class starts 7:30am mon & tues, and 6:30am wed-fri crappy crap i know i can do this, but i don't know if we can school is my number one but i am really, really rooting for us and i hope we make it # |
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