| shut up christine | |
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Friday, April 30, 2010 ( 2:25 PM ) shut up christine i would engrave it on a plaque i write a lot o crap in here but i also try to document my most important things especially the people who i want to remember down the road how fitting that my last two posts have either been about the ex or the next, both of whom are radically important to me but shall remain nameless on this blog i don't know where you fit in but you are so important to me, dean lawrence mandapat i actually want the world to know who you are, and that i adore you give credit where credit is due # Thursday, April 29, 2010 ( 9:22 AM ) shut up christine # Monday, April 26, 2010 ( 10:31 PM ) shut up christine the best day i have dreamt about a moment like this for the past 6 months rehearsed in my mind a million times all the things i would say of course, when that moment arrives in real life, i forget everything i practiced and i say whatever i need to say without censoring myself. he listens. we listen. no blaming, no anger, no bitterness, no hate we are honest and raw. we talk about painful things but find that they don't hurt. we smile when we speak to each other, the way we did before things got messed up. we forgive. and we forgive and we forgive. we hug and i say goodbye to the old us and it feels so good to let go my heart is light and happy :) # Sunday, April 25, 2010 ( 12:23 AM ) shut up christine haven't run in so long. back to square one a track for warm up stretch this song is sex. i love love love the trumpet in the intro # Saturday, April 24, 2010 ( 11:00 AM ) shut up christine this morning i drove nanet & aldy to the airport and along the way, a car next to us was driving partially out of their lane i don't normally get road rage, and i must say i kept my cool pretty well on the outside, but on the inside i'm still kinda grrr and this happened three hours ago i have a pregnant woman in the car, beezy!! hello! i would like to think i am a peaceful person, but if anyone endangers this baby, imma have to punch them in the face. but i'm short so if their face is not within reach, they shall get a swift kick in the shins # Thursday, April 22, 2010 ( 11:20 PM ) shut up christine lucky charms all day, benny has been wishing me good luck on my microbio test it took me an hour and fifteen minutes to get through it and with the last 5 minutes left on the clock, i scanned over my exam and decided to change 3 bubbles on my scantron... 100% phew!! when i told him the good news, he was so HAPPY for me sweetest thing ever amy too... amy texted me "You'll be great. Because you have the power of love" she was being totally sarcastic but it worked!! thanks guys :) # Wednesday, April 21, 2010 ( 11:02 PM ) shut up christine i don't think it means much but when i sit down next to him, i feel a flush of heat. if you put your hand on my back, i swear you'll feel the heat emanating from under my jacket after class he held the door open for me and we stepped out into the cold i looked at him and my glasses steamed over my glasses haven't steamed in a long time. i'm going to start wearing contacts again # Monday, April 19, 2010 ( 3:31 PM ) shut up christine in my philosophy of religion class, we talk about god. naturally. the exercise of examining god will inevitably raise questions. there's a guy in my class and i can see how these discussions are shaking him up a bit i can tell that he's beginning to examine his own belief system, and i imagine that finding the answers to his questions is a difficult and sometimes painful process we haven't spoken directly and you don't know me, but i see you two rows to the right and i'm sending you a hug also, another guy 4 seats behind me went on about a jihadist belief of killing a million to save a billion. i honestly think that's an adaptation from a line in an angelina jolie movie but, that aside, i'm curious, dude - were you talking about jihad or US foreign policy? keep asking questions # Sunday, April 18, 2010 ( 1:26 AM ) shut up christine hmm my half marathon is in 2 weeks i did not realize this had i known, i would not have spent the last month sitting on my ass i haven't run in 4 weeks for some reason i thought it was in june i think 90% of the battle is mental but i know how my body feels at mile 8 and i'm scared :( # Friday, April 16, 2010 ( 3:11 AM ) shut up christine eek this is dangerous i signed up for a 1-month free trial of netflix and i've watched over 20 movies (streaming online) in the last week! may i recommend: El Bola (Spain) The Story of the Weeping Camel (documentary) Unmistaken Child (documentary) Pan's Labyrinth (Spain) L'Iceberg (Belgium)  Wednesday, April 14, 2010 ( 3:06 PM ) shut up christine :) Charles Darwin claimed that depression was a clarifying force, focusing the mind on its most essential problems. And the grey clouds hit him hard, leaving him "not able to do anything one day out of three." More recently, researchers say that depression has a secret purpose, and it's best to ride out, rather than conceal, the pain. Like a fever that helps the immune system fight off infection, depression might be an unpleasant yet adaptive response to affliction. Maybe Darwin was right. We suffer- we suffer terribly- but we don't suffer in vain. [more] via DailyGood a place to crash, i got you. no need to ask, i got you. i'm proud to say, i got you. -ll # Sunday, April 11, 2010 ( 11:05 PM ) shut up christine hooray i spent the entire weekend by myself lounging in my pajamas and sitting quietly and reading and hibernating until noon and watching movies and making cocoa-banana smoothies and organizing my room and a lot of glorious nothing. i spent like fifteen minutes lying down with my feet swinging and dangling over the edge of my bed, doing nothing but listening to the bells on my payals sometimes that's all you need, you know? # Saturday, April 10, 2010 ( 2:44 PM ) shut up christine i'm sorry to myself for not letting go, when it would've been the kindest thing. a free book for you. # Wednesday, April 07, 2010 ( 9:32 AM ) shut up christine stuuupid i told d that i spent 2 hours meditating last night (i really did) when he asked what i meditated on, in jest i told him that i repeated the mantra "i am not getting married" he said ohh reeeeally how ironic....because he meditated for FOUR hours repeating "i will marry christine i will marry christine" haha we always have stupid conversations like this and i hope i remember them for a long time # Tuesday, April 06, 2010 ( 2:02 PM ) shut up christine process of healing i've been trying to clean my room. i have so much crap. i found another eraser in a drawer and i was like crap, i have two erasers now. who's going to want this used eraser? how many years of erasing does it take to use up an eraser? most of us can go through life with just one eraser, and now i have two. i get anxiety over it sometimes, its just so much stuff. if you need an eraser, you can have it! its white, with a paper sleeve. and one end has been used slightly. i have a desk and other stuff that you can have as well anyway while cleaning i found a piece of paper written last year, with the heading "process of healing" i'm going to put this sheet of paper in the recycling bin but i'm posting its contents here so i can look back at it later. this process was incredibly helpful to me at the time and i'm sure it will come in handy in the future how am i feeling? weak, sad, hurt, betrayed, stupid, angry, upset, like a fool, jealous, cheap, not good enough, lost, difficult to be around him, shocked, insecure what am i mourning? what do i miss? loss of friendship loss of trust we've changed how have we changed? don't acknowledge each other angry conversations i hesitate to talk to him not on same page i am hurting. i'm not okay questions: what will happen to us? how do i want to come out of this? what can i learn from this? how can i make myself better? what can i do to heal? how do i view him now? what will life be like without him? change directions when things stop making sense. discern whether you really need to stop. # Monday, April 05, 2010 ( 9:38 PM ) shut up christine just wondering today we discussed power as if it was a tangible commodity the argument is that if i have power, and i give you some, essentially i have lost some of my power and you've gained it. does it work like that? if a leader has power but no one respects him is he powerful? is power in and of itself measurable? are you measuring power, or its effects (like fear, popularity, strength, impact) if a boss calls a meeting to discuss a problem and collectively the group comes up with a brilliant solution, has power been lost or do we find the opposite-- that power is amplified when its shared? when you empower someone, don't both parties benefit from it? your successes are then mine as well. just wondering. and this song is tight. # Sunday, April 04, 2010 ( 3:01 PM ) shut up christine well done mister dj. mashup of 25 songs from 2009 # Thursday, April 01, 2010 ( 2:45 AM ) shut up christine good one i'm secretly hoping that you'll show up at my house and shout GOTCHA! APRIL FOOLS!! HAHAHAA and then it will take you an hour to explain your elaborately epic prank that took an entire year to orchestrate and hundreds of people were in on it and i'll be like WHAT omg shut the eff up!! and i'll congratulate you for pulling off the best damn joke in the history of the universe and we'll laugh our heads off because we almost lost our friendship over this, you asshole! then on the verge of tears i'll look you in the face and say what the eff, dude. i went through hell. you'll hug me and say sucka. it was just a joke, no real harm done. truce? truce. and you and i are going to be okay # |
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