| shut up christine | |
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Monday, August 27, 2007 ( 3:08 PM ) shut up christine i had a meeting with the director of the NGO and... not only is the family not in Kolkata, but they're in a completely different state. when i expressed my willingness to get another plane ticket to see them, his answer was: not possible. he didn't give me many details, but apparently they are experiencing some health complications and i'm not allowed to visit them during this time. second, i've been told it's not safe to travel to/within the state of Bihar anyway. my first thought was na hoy - no way. he could have mentioned this to me over the phone, before i traveled to the opposite side of the country to West Bengal aw man. na hoy. a part of me is heartbroken. this process started almost four months ago when Aena sent me her email, and then losing/finding my luggage with the package inside, and then trying to track down this NGO, and then the gallo and gifts from MS, and then coming all the way here and being so close yet so far... finishing this last leg of the journey and wanting to personally hand-deliver this package to this family i've heard so much about... i realize now that something about it is supremely selfish. i could have easily mailed this package to Kolkata two months ago, but for some deep-rooted egotistic reason i decided on my own that i would come here myself, i wanted to see them smile (for myself) and hug them (for myself) and reap all the benefits of giving this gift (myself), a gift given by someone else. does that make sense? and i think the one thing i can do to add to this gift, the one thing i can do that is purely mine, is to give that up. the founder of the NGO said he will deliver the package to the family, for me. and for Aena and for Manav Sadhna man this has been a humbling lesson in giving selflessly :) i am writing an anonymous letter to the family explaining our story and i hope every word carries the magnitude of love poured into this gift soooo i have a few more days in Kolkata. the cool thing is that i get to spend time with the NGO, they have an outpatient clinic downstairs and they also work with the sex-worker population in Kolkata Heffrey i am scouring the city for your Sai-Baba incense in the blue box but no one seems to know what you're talking about p.s. out of all the places i've ever been India is hands down the most beautiful # Friday, August 24, 2007 ( 7:14 AM ) shut up christine arrived safely in Calcutta today. i'm staying at the S.B. Devi Charity Home, they are the NGO that has a connection to the family and they're going to help me find them. for the last two and a half months my world has consisted mostly of the ashram and Tekra, which is a whole other planet altogether i mean i'm coming from a place where showing my calves is pretty risque, by the way did you know Gujarat is a dry state? no alcohol. so yeah i feel like a small town girl in new york city i can stay out late if i want to, and eat meat if i want to, and use toilet paper if i want to :) anyway, two months ago Manav Sadhna distributed gallos to staff members and volunteers, gallos are basically piggy banks that they were planning to break in september and use the money for a good cause the day before i left for Calcutta, Vijaybhai and Jigga broke their computer class gallo for me so that i could give the money to the family...there were over 1,000 rupees in it, and even as we're counting all the loose change, people are dropping more coins into the pile in all they collected 1,361 rupees and i sat on the computer room floor and cried. they are so amazing sunil and shirishbhai gave me more things to add to the gift box, like towels and little bottles of shampoo and toys La Bamba (my big backpack) is completely full of things for this family. so much love is going into this gift, i really hope i find them see you soon # Tuesday, August 21, 2007 ( 7:40 PM ) shut up christine hi b! there was a question regarding the meaning of the word "untouchable" this is taken from wikipedia: Untouchability refers to the social practice of ostracizing a (usually) minority endogamous group by regarding them as "ritually polluted" and segregating them from the mainstream by social custom or legal mandate. Prominent examples of this practice include the ostracization of the Dalits and "Arzal" castes in India and Bangladesh, the practice of Apartheid in South Africa , the segregation and discrimination of the al-Akdham in Yemen, and the Japanese Burakumin undercastes. You can read more about the Indian caste system here points from the article: - "untouchables" worked in what were seen as unhealthy, disgusting or polluting jobs - in the past, untouchables suffered from social segregation and restrictions in addition to extreme poverty. They were not allowed temple worship with others, nor water from the same sources. Persons of higher castes would not interact with them. - If somehow a member of a higher caste came into physical or social contact with an untouchable, the member of the higher caste was defiled, and had to bathe thoroughly to purge herself of the impurity. you can tell caste by the person's last name. in case you were wondering, his caste is gutter cleaner. a lot has changed since then and the situation in modern india isn't as severe, but social stigmas still persist. apparently it's a big deal in marriage speaking of marriage, crazy story. my roomie Anchal (24 yrs old) has an arranged marriage, the wedding date is set for December. before his parents agreed to let them meet, they asked for her birth date so they could make sure that her and his birthdays were compatible. they are. the thing is Anchal isn't sure what her exact birthdate is she doesn't have a birth certificate but she does have one document that says her birthdate is August 24. for some reason she believes the date on this certificate was a mistake, so she has always celebrated her birthday on August 28. anyhow, Anchal's fiance's mother found out about this and flipped out because their birthdays might not be compatible after all, and if they aren't, the wedding is cancelled. CANCELLED!! Anchal is freaking out because she's fallen in love with this boy. last night we stayed up late crying together i know so many other stories like this. i'm leaving on friday, i booked my flight to Calcutta then learned the family left Calcutta to return to their village! gah so now i may be on a wild goose chase through rural india to deliver this package. cross your fingers # Sunday, August 19, 2007 ( 6:10 PM ) shut up christine ah so much to say. first, i adore him. he's a really good guy. second, i was going to try to explain the kind of relationship we have, but instead i will shake my head and give up. third, directly, indirectly, explicitly, implicitly i was told its not okay. i understand this. kind of. on top of this, he's from the slum. literally, physically -- untouchable. and i am not indian. and a million other circumstances which are not very conducive to "dating" and such. small things, like talking to a person in public, spending time with them, even having to hide how happy you are to be around them we take so much for granted, yeah? i've already decided i'm going to hug him when i leave not just any hug but the most beautiful hug the world has ever seen, if this hug were a movie it would sweep the Oscars in every category, the amount of energy being exchanged in this hug will be so powerful that waves of love will ripple out into the cosmos and somewhere 10,000 galaxies away a hundred stars will simultaneously implode and 67 years from now, when the technology and knowledge is available, scientists will trace the cause of this imploding star phenomenon back to this one perfect hug. actually, we know it won't be anything like that but it will be 10 silent seconds to say 100 impossible words, i'm pretty sure it won't be remotely beautiful because i'll get snot all over his shirt, and 67 years from now, no one will remember this hug but me. thats all that matters anywho, (and i am so cautious when using this word in this sense, but in this case i'll use it for lack of a better word) i love him! yeh i said it! and since i can't give love to him... i came up with this brilliant plan to secretly do One Hundred Acts of Love, for him i've only done 5 or 6 so far, and they've all been really small things like picking up trash in the Tekra for ten minutes, or spending a little time with my maji (grandmother) each day who's been sick, or leaving gifts for random people. this is possibly the nicest, most romantic thing i have ever done for anyone :) in other news so one of the street school boys likes eating rocks and dirt and poop, Anjali said that when your body severely lacks a certain nutrient or vitamin you'll start to crave/eat things that will replenish it for example, if you don't get enough iron you might crave rocks and she said there's a type of street food that is actually roasted dirt so they are taking me to try this roasted dirt and i will tell you what its like. Heffrey, we gave your tube of ointment to a woman by the street school (actually she's the mother of the boy who eats rocks), she's a ragpicker and we thought she had a skin infection on her hands because the skin was peeling from her bones, her fingers had become deformed, and the nails were falling off. Turns out she has leprosy, but she will be getting treatment to stop advancement. Look what you were able to do for this woman, Heff, all the way from the other side of the world :) p.s. Hi Pri!! # Saturday, August 11, 2007 ( 2:54 PM ) shut up christine i spent the last few days doubting, and questioning, and remembering. decided i will delay my flight home for a few days. yesterday we went back to the place that made me so angry and we passed out plastic tarps to keep the rain out of their tents, then took surveys of the area so that we can start a new nutrition program and street school here which Anilbhai and i will begin teaching on monday. and that, is pretty awesome. Anchal said we can't change the Tekra; we can't end prostitution, we can't end alcoholism, we can't always keep husbands from beating their wives...Jayeshbhai has been doing this for 17 years and change won't happen overnight, it might not happen ever. earlier i was so upset because all this shit was going down and i felt helpless because all i had was potatoes. effing potatoes. the point is, whatever we are capable of doing, no matter how small it is, do it with your whole heart so i will pour my freakin heart into every freakin potato yo. tomorrow i was supposed to go to the india-pakistan border with Friends Without Borders for an amazing, inspiring display of friendship between two countries that hate each other. we had to cancel our train tickets because of terrorist threats/ security issues at the event. please keep your fingers crossed now i'm preparing for my pilgrimage to deliver the precious package to calcutta, then a small side trip to the himalayas before i come home and, there's a boy. he deserves his own post so i will write about him later peace # Wednesday, August 08, 2007 ( 9:38 PM ) shut up christine i am upset. actually, i want to kill someone. this goes back to my first post in india, when i said some things are difficult to write about here it starts off with the same self-absorbed let's-applaud-christine BS, here she is delivering a warm meal to squatters on the side of the road in the pouring rain, now she's playing with the girl with the crutches, please a round of applause. i am so ignorant. i am frustrated that i don't know what the hell is going on, i'm frustrated that i can't speak Gujarati, i'm frustrated that i can barely say this in English. there are times like today when i think i'm doing something meaningful and good. at the end of the day i can pat myself on the back and have a good night's rest. why then, am i not sleeping i'm angry. because i have tunnel-vision not even tunnel-vision more like i'm looking through a straw, blindfolded and i'm angry because i can feel good about myself for giving a scoop of potatoes to the 14 year old girl with the broken leg. and after? well that man standing there is a client, and he's waiting for us to leave because this girl's family made her a prostitute and i hate this. i hate that i know this now, and i can't do anything about it. i hate how i feel right now i hate that most of the time i don't see or hear or notice things like this, because i am so effing ignorant and i hate how people have so much faith in me, how they think i'm a doctor just because i carry band-aids and when they try to tell me how much pain they're in i can't do anything about it except say ma ne mafkaro - i'm sorry what use is that? what am i doing here i will not erase what i just wrote. # |
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