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Wednesday, February 20, 2008 ( 10:50 AM ) shut up christine In the last few days Kermit has taught me the art of snow shoveling and moose watching, and as i type this Kermit's 15 month old nephew is sitting in my lap falling asleep. we were at the hospice a few days ago and kermit and i sat at a table in the lounge when his mom fell asleep and when you go through something like this with another person, you make a bond and you're kinda stuck together so i say you know, we're going to be friends for at least 10 more years. and he says i was thinking more like 60 or 70 years i say dude that's a long time....what am i going to do with you in all that time? can you mow my lawn? fix my car? etc etc etc and after we finish joking around, i say the real question is: what are you going to do with me?? all he says is 'serve you' i didn't show it at the time but i almost broke down right there benjamin is asleep now. i'll be home maybe in a week or two # Thursday, February 14, 2008 ( 7:00 PM ) shut up christine tomorrow i fly to Alaska for Kermit. Kermit (aka tim.ker) is my 100 everyday partner in crime. if you are reading this, can you do us a favor can you do one thing, something really small for someone else # Tuesday, February 12, 2008 ( 1:44 PM ) shut up christine since valentine's day is around the corner  lately i've been thinking a lot about people i love, and people who love me this last week has been crazy i hurt a friend badly, unknowingly, because they love me. i didn't understand how much this person loved me, until i saw how angry she was and i remember sitting there, absorbing the sting of this anger, realizing WOAH THIS IS LOVE. its interesting how just like kisses and hugs, anger and disappointment are vehicles of love sometimes they are even more effective at showing it anyway, at any time i may get a call and i will drop everything and jump on a plane to Alaska because i want to be there for my friend if he needs me. another friend, the friend who pushes me hard is pushing me even harder when i decided not to go back to school for my masters (in public service), he said now my real education will begin. and we will do all the things that i would have been learning in school. hopefully, this year i will learn the real meaning of service. he is giving me so much, by asking so much of me and i am humbled that he loves me enough to trust me with things like this. i am noticing this side of love more and more often the ugly, angry, or painful side or the side you feel when you are effing exhausted and you are asking yourself WHY AM I DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?!?? when it would feel so good to fall asleep but you stay awake, and you know why. it is so crazy what we will give, and give up, for the people we love. # Friday, February 08, 2008 ( 3:01 PM ) shut up christine ripples.. there are some people from out of town coming to give a talk about their NGO and one of the girls needs a place to stay for a night so i ask my mom if the girl can stay at our house, knowing full well that her reaction would be helllls no, which it was so i told her about Parmod in India, and how he picked me up, a complete stranger, from the train station, with a bouquet of flowers!!! and then he welcomed me, a complete stranger, into his home, for a week. and when i got sick, he and his wife Pooja took care of me, a complete stranger, like I was their daughter. and then! a few minutes later my mom quietly sets out some blankets and pillows in the hallway and asks me if this will be enough for the girl. and i just wanted to share that, cause its a big deal :) props to my motha # Wednesday, February 06, 2008 ( 2:23 AM ) shut up christine my friends. on a bus. in Sri Lanka. doing jaw exercises. (sorry it's sideways i don't know how to fix it. and turn up the volume) we are so easily amused # Sunday, February 03, 2008 ( 9:43 AM ) shut up christine i'm home! there is so much i would like to tell you words inherently fall short and yet we use them anyway since my last post I attended a lecture by the Dalai Lama he said every human being should take responsibility for all of humanity. regardless of race or religion, we are human beings and we cannot sacrifice the interest of humanity for the interest of one's religion or nation. took a 27 hour train to Chandigarh, Sukh's hood. spent time with YUVSATTA, an NGO doing amazing work in the slums & villages there. eating street food finally caught up with me and i became violently ill, which is part of the reason why i didn't extend my stay i can't say that physically i accomplished much in Sri Lanka and India but my conversations and experiences have solidified what i value and what i believe is important and this is what i believe is important: the last 7 months of not working have been the most productive months of my life. when i found out Sukh was secretly paying for me, i asked him why & he said that when a person stops working to dedicate their time to service, it is the responsibility of the working people to support them in whatever way they can. i can't count the number of people who've supported me financially, emotionally, unconditionally: my Board of Directors, friends, family, Be the Cause, complete strangers. its my responsibility to return the favor & support those who want to do good things with their time. this is the reason i want to go into grant writing. when an outsider comes into a place like the slum, initially its so easy to notice all the things that are lacking: resources, housing, money, food, jobs. but what i've found here, even with the excess of privileges and comforts i experience at home, are all the deficits in my own life. maybe i'm the one worse off. there is so much compassion and generosity and beauty here, in a way that is foreign to most Americans. all i know is that when i come here, that void is filled 100 times over. you can read these words and understand what i mean to say, but you won't know what i'm talking about unless you experience it yourself. if i could give you one gift, it would be that. and, like my last time in india, i had so many conversations about a woman's place in society. many women, especially in india, are defined by their husbands. Parmod took me to a small village and asked me to speak to the girls there, this area of Punjab has a high rate of female feticide. i stood there trying to tell these girls how valuable and beautiful they are, i don't know how much of it was lost in translation. i'm grateful that i'm surrounded by strong female role models, and that all the important men in my life - my dad, Kuo, Sukh, Tim, Bri - are good guys. i have a stronger idea of the kind of man i would want to be in a relationship with, this is something i will no longer compromise. speaking of, Ultimate Number One took me to the airport even though i left at 4:30 in the morning. I gave him my necklace, and i told him about the 100 everyday. He said he was going to apply for a passport and we talked about our plans like it could actually happen someday. i don't know what i expected by coming back here to see him, all i did was open up an old wound. when i got on the plane it felt bad, i can't explain. during the whole 42 hour flight home i couldn't speak and even now it feels like i'm trying to hold it in. what it is, i don't know. i wish i had a better way to end this post # |
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