| shut up christine | |
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Sunday, February 03, 2008 ( 9:43 AM ) shut up christine i'm home! there is so much i would like to tell you words inherently fall short and yet we use them anyway since my last post I attended a lecture by the Dalai Lama he said every human being should take responsibility for all of humanity. regardless of race or religion, we are human beings and we cannot sacrifice the interest of humanity for the interest of one's religion or nation. took a 27 hour train to Chandigarh, Sukh's hood. spent time with YUVSATTA, an NGO doing amazing work in the slums & villages there. eating street food finally caught up with me and i became violently ill, which is part of the reason why i didn't extend my stay i can't say that physically i accomplished much in Sri Lanka and India but my conversations and experiences have solidified what i value and what i believe is important and this is what i believe is important: the last 7 months of not working have been the most productive months of my life. when i found out Sukh was secretly paying for me, i asked him why & he said that when a person stops working to dedicate their time to service, it is the responsibility of the working people to support them in whatever way they can. i can't count the number of people who've supported me financially, emotionally, unconditionally: my Board of Directors, friends, family, Be the Cause, complete strangers. its my responsibility to return the favor & support those who want to do good things with their time. this is the reason i want to go into grant writing. when an outsider comes into a place like the slum, initially its so easy to notice all the things that are lacking: resources, housing, money, food, jobs. but what i've found here, even with the excess of privileges and comforts i experience at home, are all the deficits in my own life. maybe i'm the one worse off. there is so much compassion and generosity and beauty here, in a way that is foreign to most Americans. all i know is that when i come here, that void is filled 100 times over. you can read these words and understand what i mean to say, but you won't know what i'm talking about unless you experience it yourself. if i could give you one gift, it would be that. and, like my last time in india, i had so many conversations about a woman's place in society. many women, especially in india, are defined by their husbands. Parmod took me to a small village and asked me to speak to the girls there, this area of Punjab has a high rate of female feticide. i stood there trying to tell these girls how valuable and beautiful they are, i don't know how much of it was lost in translation. i'm grateful that i'm surrounded by strong female role models, and that all the important men in my life - my dad, Kuo, Sukh, Tim, Bri - are good guys. i have a stronger idea of the kind of man i would want to be in a relationship with, this is something i will no longer compromise. speaking of, Ultimate Number One took me to the airport even though i left at 4:30 in the morning. I gave him my necklace, and i told him about the 100 everyday. He said he was going to apply for a passport and we talked about our plans like it could actually happen someday. i don't know what i expected by coming back here to see him, all i did was open up an old wound. when i got on the plane it felt bad, i can't explain. during the whole 42 hour flight home i couldn't speak and even now it feels like i'm trying to hold it in. what it is, i don't know. i wish i had a better way to end this post #
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