| shut up christine | |
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Tuesday, January 31, 2017 ( 1:24 PM ) shut up christine   # Tuesday, January 24, 2017 ( 10:16 AM ) shut up christine 
when my hair's wet i can fauxhawk
# Sunday, January 22, 2017 ( 9:52 AM ) shut up christine over the weekend i experienced my first native american sweat lodge ceremony with a few friends in the Madre Grande mountains the lodge was a low circular structure made of layers of canvas, about four feet high. we sat around a pit in the center, where the hot rocks are placed there were four rounds of sweat, each lasting about 10-15 minutes, with breaks in between to add more hot rocks. it's pitch black during each round, and a few people sing & beat drums. it gets loud we were encouraged to release in whatever way feels right: through singing, screaming, shrieking, cursing, silence -- however. no judgment each round had a specific purpose round one- i forget...intro? round two - for others round three - healing for yourself round four - gratitude i wore a t-shirt and joggers that i rolled up to my knees for me, round 2 was hot. like oh shit this is hot the difference in temp from round 1 and 2 was drastic to me breathing hurt my face and nostrils and lungs i remember breathing through my mouth and the air i blew out that touched the skin on my arms and legs felt like fire they say to use the heat to crack yourself open round 2 was for others, and i spoke out loud the names of people i care for i cried because it was painful to speak, and the tears helped at the end of round three, they opened up both the front entrance flap and the back so light streamed in from both sides when i looked up, our bodies were steaming several women around me were laying on the ground, steam wafting off i looked at my own hands and saw clouds float off them i have never experienced anything like this and i will never forget it    # Thursday, January 19, 2017 ( 10:54 PM ) shut up christine this morning i took many deep breaths then walked into work same dude was a bit rough but later he sincerely apologized for his rudeness yesterday then he was a cooperative sweetheart the rest of the shift thank you universe # Wednesday, January 18, 2017 ( 10:58 PM ) shut up christine today a patient told me he hopes i die in a car crash is it weird that i started laughing? i like my job but i think i should get paid more # Monday, January 16, 2017 ( 11:11 PM ) shut up christine   i'm a monchhichi # Friday, January 13, 2017 ( 11:53 PM ) shut up christine different day, same coworker
i am literally standing in front of this doctor telling him important info about our patient
he's looking at his phone
when i finish speaking he responds by
turning to my pretty single coworker and asking her about her kids and trying to set up a play date which she declines
i stand there, blinking incredulously
then i walk away and go back to saving lives
fuck fuck mothafuck
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( 12:25 AM ) shut up christine so i have this male coworker, very sweet guy he's always flirting with the female nurses i can hear him in the background hi sweetie how are you i should take you to [insert name of restaurant/place] sometime por ejemplo X says "it's cold in here" and he offers to go downstairs & get his jacket in his car for her the most curious thing is i'll be sitting next to him and i'm invisible no acknowledgement unless i ask him a patient-related question i was laughing to myself as i watched him sweet talk the ladies and then that gnawing question popped back into my head the question i have asked myself my whole life if i was prettier, would this person treat me differently? (have you ever asked yourself this question?) but here i am invisible fat butch girl no jackets for us. ugly people must shiver in the cold hah i'm not saying i want this guy's attention it's important for me to write it out and observe my thought patterns i was laughing at the beginning of this entry right now i'm wiping little drops off my cheek go ahead and cry this, this is why you shaved your head to question that question to break your attachment to beauty # Wednesday, January 11, 2017 ( 9:34 PM ) shut up christine i dig this video # Tuesday, January 10, 2017 ( 2:29 PM ) shut up christine
medicine for the soul
i'm sitting on the couch with a blanket looking out of these windows
it's raining (my favorite) and the air blowing in from the door soothes my fever
i'm excited to start this book
also good for my soul on sick days:
- a good house cleaning to clear out germs
- sage smudging to clear out negative energy (makoto is rolling his eyes)
- lemonade
- soup
- watch lots of youtube videos on bullet journaling
Monday, January 09, 2017 ( 11:35 AM ) shut up christine delirium i finished a 21 hour shift this morning 7am-4am the last 8 hours evolved from a scratchy throat tickle to full blown sickness observing/meditating on the unfolding sensations: i feel fine --> clear throat --> cough nonstop --> voice raspy and low nose drip --> nose waterfall --> simultaneous waterfall/nostrils plugged up pre-sneeze false alarm --> sneezing repeatedly --> sinus headache/watery eyes/fever i think this is my body's way of telling me not to do 21 hour shifts also, but unrelated: if i ever win billions in the lottery i would build an expansive rainwater collecting infrastructure/aquifer and massive desalinization plant hopefully ending our water crisis for the benefit of all californians for generations to come hooray # Saturday, January 07, 2017 ( 11:16 PM ) shut up christine a good start so far i have: * meditated everyday * taken a lunch break every shift! this is a big deal! * packed healthy lunches. lots of beets. i've been eating more vegetarian meals lately. i may possibly transition back to vegetarianism this year but i'm not going to rush it or pressure myself. if it doesn't happen it's okay hair is almost at the 3 month mark. approx 2 inches. sticks straight up this stage, and the next 4 months, will probably be the most awkward i know it looks weird but i don't care :) most importantly i feel different the tiniest difference. i can't say for sure because i don't know if i've ever felt this in my 33 years but i think this is what confidence feels like  # |
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