( 10:07 PM ) shut up christine
RAGE
in this moment i am unapologetically angry
i don't care give a fuck
i want to sit here and experience my anger in all its fullness and glory. all the levels, as deep as i can go. through the skin, past the fat and muscle, to the center of my bones
i want to hit you for no goddamn reason
and when you cry, i'm going to scream stop crying or i'll give you a reason to cry
and then i'm going to beat you
i'm going to make you bend over on the couch and whip you with my belt until you bleed
i want you to be sad. all the time
i want you to feel helpless. because i said so
i want you to feel so desperate that you try to kill yourself as quietly as you can
by tying multiple plastic grocery bags around your head and waiting for hours and nothing fucking happens
and when you finally untie the bags because you're scared you're making too much noise
when you finally untie the bags your hair and face are soaked from condensation
i'm going to call you motherfucker, ironically
i'm going to hit you with a chair. and hangers. and my fists.
i'm going to strangle you
but i will be merciful i will give you a gift that you never gave me - i will let you cry
as hard, as loud, and as long as you need to
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