| shut up christine | |
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Wednesday, December 29, 2010 ( 1:58 AM ) shut up christine as you may know, i am a spirit master. i have reason to believe that my powers are growing ever stronger and it's freaking me out dude! holy moleys makoto and i spent the last few days pet-sitting his older sister's two cats and two dogs at her house in monterey park because she and her hubby went to vegas. this was my first time going to their home. i'm in the kitchen looking at the cool magnets on her fridge and i see this magazine clipping:  i notice how makoto's sister carefully cut this image from a magazine page, then laminated it with clear packing tape. for a moment it strikes me as a little sad, because makoto's sister doesn't have any children of her own. i bring up my right hand to move the monster magnets adhering the clipping to the fridge because i want to see the backside -- to see which magazine it's from i'm about to peel away the little green monster magnet at the bottom right corner when i freeze because it has just hit me that i've already been here this moment, this movement with my hand many months ago i had a dream where i saw this exact illustration with these little monster magnets on m's sister's fridge i noticed how it was carefully cut from a magazine and laminated with clear packing tape and it made me sad for a moment because she doesn't have any kids of her own... but this dream happened way before i got to know makoto and none of it made sense to me at the time so i forgot about it. back then i barely knew makoto, therefore didn't know he had a sister, why would i be in her house, how would i know it was her kitchen, how would i know anything about her? what's even crazier is that i knew i would take a photograph of the illustration and i knew i would write this blog about it because i think it was already written you probably don't believe me. i'm scared and i'm going to hide under the covers # Saturday, December 25, 2010 ( 2:39 PM ) shut up christine i met him five years ago very randomly, on the internet. one blog post on christmas day, five years ago we've never met in person but he is family. merry christmas to you m!! my other m # Thursday, December 23, 2010 ( 12:04 PM ) shut up christine in my 27 years i have never chemically treated my hair at the moment, i am slugging through a very intense soul-digging transitional period, and i decided a superficial change was in order as well i gots myself a perm! it looks really messy/frizzy, like i didn't brush my hair. but i rarely brushed my hair before so i spent sixty dollars to look the same and now its permanent for the win # Tuesday, December 21, 2010 ( 1:11 AM ) shut up christine overheard at home me to makoto: are you not trying? you're not taking this seriously what are you doing?! PAY ATTENTION oh my god can you go faster hello can you not see that? are you color blind? get it get it get it!! i am a monster. bejeweled brings out my worst :( new year's resolution: no more bejeweled for me # Saturday, December 18, 2010 ( 4:36 AM ) shut up christine where shall i start i almost set fire --not intentionally-- to a stack of christmas gifts m's ex-girlfriend had given him this year. she got him three 2011 desktop calendars (three of the exact same calendars) and two mousepads sidenote: these are very appropriate gifts to give an ex, in my opinion i had innocently set my hot curling iron atop the stack of calendars, then forgot about it luckily m sniffed the burning paper and all three calendars survived oh and i didn't pass the class. i needed to take a little time to sit and process it has been a rather devastating time for me however two weeks ago, i thought life would end if i didn't pass. i am alive i told my parents (fml) but it wasn't as horrible as i thought it would be i was holding baby leah when i gave them the news, which totally helped. add baby exploitation to my résumé of shameless qualities i wrote a goodbye letter to my cohort, which was the hardest, saddest part of all. but the response i got back was pure love i was sleeping 12-14 hours a day (depression, much? actually, i think it has more to do with the severity of my anemia) but when i was awake, i would wake to an inbox full of supportive, encouraging, beautiful messages. texts, emails, phonecalls holy crap. i cry when i think about it, it is probably the nicest thing that has ever happened to me. i have to wait six months so that i can retake the class with the next cohort when it's offered in june which isn't so bad, in the end :) during these next six months my time will be spent studying first line drug therapies (again. and again. and again...) and volunteering at the hospital with my clinical instructor --who has done so much for me. in those first few harrowing nights she had texted me i don't want you to give up. simple words that will stay with me and makoto is a keeper. that's his name by the way. it means 'truth' in japanese the recent events with school put a strain on our relationship we are far from perfect we argue we argue about which gas filled the hindenburg (hydrogen, i win. he thought it was helium.) we argue about the etymology of sean comb's moniker Puff Daddy (i believe it's referencing pubic hair - a 'puff daddy' is a playah. logical, no? makoto thinks it's alluding to those puffy jackets. pfffft)  we have our issues just like everyone else but its those little things that make it work what i'm about to write won't make a lot of sense, but maybe you will understand one night i stayed up until 5am playing bejewled on my laptop, in bed. he slept soundly the whole night, with his hand on my arm he bakes me vegan cupcakes that are terrible but he makes them and that makes them okay he sings along to lady gaga in the car he says the most random things when i was sad after i heard the bad news, we went to the beach and we stood quietly on the pier looking at the ocean i thought he was going to say something profound but he only spoke of how a bird flew into fabio's face and i could not stop laughing this is what matters (the little things, not the bird & fabio) # Monday, December 06, 2010 ( 6:08 PM ) shut up christine waiting people, there is a very real, very scary possibility that i did not pass this class this is the scariest feeling i've had in a while on my last day of clinical, a family asked me which hospital i plan to work at after i graduate -- so that they can start going there. my clinical instructor pulled me aside one day and said i can tell - you're going to be good. i hope. trying to stay calm can't do anything else but wait # Sunday, December 05, 2010 ( 8:39 AM ) shut up christine pray for me pray for me med-surg cumulative final in t minus twenty-one hours this test alone is worth one third of my grade if i pass (pray!) i will have finished one third of my ABSN program if i don't pass, i will be kicked out of nursing school (no pressure!) three things are getting me through these next twenty-one hours:
cute little strawberry-scented pink highlighter
because the smell of food keeps fatty focused
my most favorite pen in the whole world - the kind that you can write in 4 different colors,
but it also comes with a mechanical pencil!
if i was oprah, i would give these away on my oprah's favorite things show.
actually, that's a great idea! if you want one, i will personally send you one for free because
i love it that much.
seriously.
they come in turquoise, pink, or gray
(i get em in packs of two for A DOLLAR at Viva Bargain Center, in case you were wondering. same place where i got my scented highlighters. There's a Viva in korea town but this one in Garden Grove is huge)
and Jason,
a guy i took a couple pre-req classes with. we had a competitive thing going on
he studied hard, but i would get one or two points higher
i don't go to school with him anymore, but i'm imagining that he's sitting across from me, and
i will crush him :)
that's kinda sad but it totally keeps me on track. sorry jason. thanks for motivating me
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Thursday, December 02, 2010 ( 11:15 AM ) shut up christine DO I went through my bedroom closet at my parents' house and found an old paperback titled DO. It has pages where you can write your thoughts down. Judging by my answers, I figure I wrote these around 2004-2005 Why I want to change... i know i can be a better person. there are some aspects of my life that i am unsatisfied with. sometimes i feel lazy and unproductive, like i'm not living up to my full potential. Parts of me I want to let go... i want to be less flaky. i don't want to be so dependent on others. i don't want petty fights with my boyfriend to affect me so negatively. i NEED to take shorter showers (i like how i wrote NEED in all caps) My commitment to change is... i am ready and willing to change. i want to become the person i want to be. i want to reach my full potential. i want to look back and see how much i've accomplished instead of wondering where my time went. My ideal day... when i wake up, i want to feel invigorated. i want to wake up in a clean, fresh room with sunlight streaming in. i want to spend the day feeling useful & productive. i want to spend time with the people i love. i want to participate/see things that excite me and keep me in awe. My ideal place to live is... a small cozy house, similar to the one i grew up in. if i'm by myself, a one-bedroom apartment is fine. I'll support myself by... saving money now, and getting a job soon after i graduate funny that the exact opposite happened. i think i was craving the security and independence a steady job would afford. but instead i worked temp jobs and volunteered and was broke haha cheers to you, old cb # Wednesday, December 01, 2010 ( 5:35 PM ) shut up christine i always forget to set my alarm text message from m 12/01/10 4:59am Time to wake up my lovely kitu. -Kiss your cheek- i've never been a morning person but i could wake up to this every morning enough with the mushy happy hanukkah # |
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