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Friday, November 26, 2004 ( 1:59 AM ) shut up christine Thanksgiving rocks cuz you can spend time with familia and tell the people in your life how much you heart them, which is something you should do anyway, not just on thanksgiving but its nice to get a couple days off from school and work too i have mucho to be thankful for and many people to thank... but there is one person in particular, a tiny skinny man named Peter, traveling from Yugoslavia, probably between 40-55 years old i don't know where he is right now and i have no way of contacting him but he took care of Sabs and me when we were crying and planning to spend the night outside a train station in Barcelona in the morning he took us back to the station, but while i was using the bathroom he left and never came back i didn't get to thank him or say goodbye he never took the money we offered him for all the stuff he did for us instead he said i'm sorry i can't give you more, if i had a house here it would be yours and if you know me you know i'm pretty stubborn about money but he wouldn't take it...he said if I am ever in America, maybe you could do the same for me if i didn't have one of the roses he gave me hanging on my wall right now, i dont think i'd believe he was real things like this only happen in movies i wish i could say thank you in person but wherever he is i hope somehow this will reach him heppeh thanksgiving errrbuddy # Sunday, November 21, 2004 ( 2:25 PM ) shut up christine Let me telllllll you~~ yesterday was the big day So I’m sitting on the bus going over my presentation agenda with Stanley, we’ve been on the road for over an hour and my heart is racing because I’m nervous but at the same time I’m relieved that everything has come together, it’s all good….. and then I realize that I left the biggest part of the presentation at my apartment… I know exactly where it is…it’s on the kitchen countertop next to the note that says “for Kit’s program” fucking shit so we get to the conference and things just go wrong our room assignment changed at the last minute and we were a little late because we couldn’t find our building; the handle broke off on the suitcase that was holding all our supplies; the set-up of the room wasn’t what I expected, there weren’t any tables and you couldn’t move the chairs around like I had planned; and the best part of all - I had to get up in front of all those people looking like a dumbass to tell them how badly I fucked up……… what else can you do on the outside I was trying be calm and optimistic but on the inside I was trying really hard not to cry after all that work all those weeks the meetings the hours you put into it the crapload of money you spent the midterm you bombed the lack of sleep all that wasted because you fucked up that’s how I felt at first, but it didn’t last long I got a million hugs and if you could only see how UCI dressed up in their Robin Hood costumes all hardcore and then I remembered how Theresa, KC, Ray, Stanley, and Daniel stayed up with me in the MAC the night before when I was stressing, how my Dad drove over from Cerritos at 5 in the morning to carry my freakin Peace Tree, how my Mom, Dad, and sis went out of their way to help me prep my presentation, how Fendi spent an entire Saturday taking me around Chinatown, how Cornbread Denise ROCKS and I would've been lost without her, how people donated HUNDREDS of canned goods and school supplies (thank you so much!!!), how every day someone would give me money to donate, how Stanley made me feel, and all the meetings people showed up to, the hours we put into it, the crapload of money we spent, the lack of sleep, None of it was wasted. Not to mention UCI dominated and won the spirit award…not one award, but two HOLLA!!! We rock, man And after a long lovely day, someone cooked dinner for me I feel like a princess :) Peace out punks # Thursday, November 18, 2004 ( 1:23 AM ) shut up christine When it comes to certain things I am a perfectionist and I have a hard time asking for help because the voice in my head says why can’t you handle your shit, you could do it if you just applied yourself, don’t be weaksauce, don't drop the ball you gon' go to hell, suck it up and own it, biatch… so I put up this front, like I try to psych myself into thinking that I can take on the world, I put up my away message that says “I thriiiiive under pressure, bring it on, suckas” and I’ll pretend that nothing fazes me…I am focused and driven, I am at the top of my game, no one can touch this……. there are times when I do feel that way, but in reality, most of the time I struggle to keep up and when I drop the ball, when I forget some detail, when I skip class, when I need to get my ass out of bed but snooze my alarm instead, when I can’t finish something on time, and even when things are okay but could be better, I come down really hard on myself Like I take my imaginary sharpie out of my pocket and I write FAILURE across my forehead in big fatty letters, and then the doubt sets in and the snowball keeps rollin downhill… I HATE letting people down, I hate it Anyhoot The past few weeks have been tough I’ve had a lot of stuff on my mind lately and even though I’m hella anxious about this weekend and my upcoming projects, oddly enough, my mind is at peace… I’ve been on the verge of tears several times this week, not because of the stress, but because so many people have pulled through for me yuuuck cheesey gross but you know who you are there’s no way I could have done this on my own thank you sooo much I swear, I will repay you tenfold p.s. it's okay to drop the ball because balls bounce back! why didn't i think of that :) # Monday, November 08, 2004 ( 1:58 PM ) shut up christine I must say.... nothing impresses me more than a guy who is polite. Hands down. A guy who says please, yes sir, or thank you ma’am to the workers at the drive thru window at Jack in the Box, a guy who leaves the waiter/waitress a decent tip even when he gets crappy table service, a guy who asks the cashier at Target how she is doing, a guy who holds the door open for the person walking five steps behind him is hotter than even a guy with facial hair........ and I think facial hair is pretty damn hot. That is all. # Sunday, November 07, 2004 ( 4:22 PM ) shut up christine 
I feel good Its like the feeling I got that one time at Reggaefest when I was trying to find Toyo and people kept saying "hey Kit, Toyo is looking for you" and I walked everywhere but couldn't find him, and then when I was about to go home I finally saw him standing there talking on his cell so I waited and when he got off the phone I tapped him on the shoulder, and he turned around, gave me a huge ass bear hug and said "I just tried to call you right now, I've been looking everywhere for you...." its like that time freshman year when I was busy and stressed and sad because so much was going on and out of the blue Jess handed me a package with a note and she had gotten me the new weezer CD just because... its like getting kissed on the cheek... its like January 3rd every year... its like saying hi to a stranger and getting a smile.. its like working 35 hours a week to save up for something you really want and the feeling you get when you finally have enough money, knowing that you earned it on your own... its like going stag to a high school dance and finding someone to dance with during the slow songs... its like all of these moments combined, times 10 plus 1... I feel so happy right now I wake up and I think how in the world did I get here how did I score this job how does someone like me get to work with you how did I end up with such cool roomies how come this person wants to hug me why do I have friends?? When people talk to me sometimes I just stare at them I want to grab them by the shoulders and say DUDE, WHY ARE YOU MY FRIEND? WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME??? I don't mean that in a bad I'm-too-good-to-be-talking-to-you way I mean it like I'm-in-disbelief-why-would-you-want-to-hang-out-with-weirdo-me Any moment now I'm going to wake up and once again I'll be the painfully shy gap-toothed booger-faced mute kid with dandruff People are going to find out that I have natural nipple hair tassels, and I have a tail, and I can stuff a full-sized paper towel sheet into the abyss that is my bellybutton, and I sweat excessively even when its freeezing cold, and I suck at driving, and my glasses are always crooked, and my shit always clogs the bathroom, and when my lips are chapped I like to chew my lip flakes and eat them... and did I mention that I used to be a painfully shy gap-toothed booger-faced mute kid with dandruff... but you knew this already... and surprisingly you are still my friend but I'm not complaining if this is real then I'm the luckiest person in the world thanks bud 
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