shut up christine


Tuesday, November 30, 2010
      ( 6:13 PM ) shut up christine  
As long as the sun shall rise goes the old lovers vow.  But we are children of a scientific age & have no time for poetry.  Still, I offer a quiet prayer of thanks for the sunlight each time I see your face.
-storypeople.com 


i am so happy

m gives me much happiness.
it's dangerous to be so happy, don't you think?
my mind says don't place your happiness on someone else's shoulders, be responsible for your own happiness, build it from the inside

i nod in agreement.
but i am so happy
#




Monday, November 29, 2010
      ( 11:45 AM ) shut up christine  
of course, for simplicity

For simplicity, the preexisting flaw is modeled as a half-penny crack. The principal stresses are combined with the crack's stress intensity factor to calculate the proof test's threshold for flaw detection based on two accepted theories of mixed-mode fracture.


have no idea what he's talking about.  but congrats to my rocket scientist bro-in-law, aldrich, for getting his novel proof test for silicon nitride balls published in the journal of the american ceramic society.
what what! go familia!  nitride balls hey hey!!
#




Sunday, November 28, 2010
      ( 9:05 AM ) shut up christine  
we celebrated thanksgiving at the homeless drop-in center in long beach
i was making a card at the craft table when an elderly gentleman sat next to me
very quickly our conversation turned no bueno
one of my friends left the table (offended)
we spoke about religion, then homosexuality
(these are two topics i am NOT supposed to talk about with my father anymore because it never ends well)

i'm used to having this conversation with my dad
it's different coming from a stranger

my dad is old school.  he doesn't really mean it, i think.  (most of the time)
but this man doesn't know me, and his hate seems real

he ends our conversation by asking me a question:
are you going to tell me that it would be okay if YOUR own daughter is a pussy-licking whore?

i say yes and he leaves.
i think it took a lot of strength, on his part
to walk away when he was most angry instead of pushing on, continuing to yell.
props.
not everyone can accept that we can't change each other

#




Wednesday, November 24, 2010
      ( 1:05 PM ) shut up christine  
is the universe trying to tell me something?

i don't live in the best neighborhood

had my bicycle stolen.
had stuff stolen off my new bike.
had to call the cops for a violent domestic dispute 4 feet outside my bedroom window (involved the smashing of car windows)
someone smashed my car window two nights ago and jacked my gps
and i got a parking ticket this morning. nuts!!

at least they didn't steal my car
that would've sucked
m tinting my windows, LA style
#




Sunday, November 21, 2010
      ( 11:16 AM ) shut up christine  
good fortune

m caught me scheming to do something nice
he said i'm going to have good karma in my next life
i said i must've been really, really nice in my last life.

and look what happened just hours after he washed my car!
we laughed so hard
no other cars on my street had bird poop on them.  auspicious!

Many people believe this to be a major sign of wealth coming from heaven. In fact, most things associated with birds tend to spell good fortune, such as when birds fly to your home and start making nests in and around your house. While bats bring abundance, birds bring good news and opportunities. The next time a flock of ravens, pigeons or magpies come to your home, feed them with bird seeds. Birds are also said to be powerful protectors and guardians. Even crows are said to be messengers of the Gods. So welcome birds with open arms. 
18 omens of good fortune
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Thursday, November 18, 2010
      ( 11:43 PM ) shut up christine  
m is back from oklahomie :)
earlier today i'm at his house, he leaves me alone in his room for a couple hours so i can write my care plans before clinicals
as soon as i finish my homework i have to leave so i can get to the hospital on time
he's packed me a lunchbox again
on top of that, he's washed my car!
dude.

i've said it before and imma say it again
i am marrying him, yall


#




Tuesday, November 16, 2010
      ( 6:10 PM ) shut up christine  
things i wish i never saw

- a couple incidents in the slums
- the movie Grave of the Fireflies (excellent film, but i still wish i never saw it)
- and this:


for whatever reason, these things affect me deeply
when this happens, i'll need to write then sit in silence for a couple hours
and change life accordingly
it's so much easier to not care but sometimes you can't help it

eee yummy diseased livers. and i'm vegetarian already
james bond's narration makes it even more sad :(
#




Sunday, November 14, 2010
      ( 11:19 AM ) shut up christine  
ten year old cb
could study five, six, seven hours straight
had unbreakable self-discipline
and could focus like a laser

need to channel my inner ten year old
asap
#




Friday, November 12, 2010
      ( 10:15 PM ) shut up christine  
#




Thursday, November 11, 2010
      ( 12:33 AM ) shut up christine  
i just got home from clinicals
did two 8-hour shifts in a row today
patients kept pulling out their tubes 
i'm covered in pureed carrots
and i smell like poop
have another hour or so of paperwork to fill out
this was a tough day
a very difficult day
but i did it
and...i like it

i can so do this

ps thanks mike :)
#




Monday, November 08, 2010
      ( 10:11 PM ) shut up christine  
m is in oklahoma visiting his twin brother

he calls me to say guess what!  a killer is on the loose, the police are searching for him
cops are warning people to stay inside.
twin bro is staying late at school, they're not letting anyone leave campus.
we chat for a bit, but mid-sentence he stops-- someone's at the door
then he hangs up on me abruptly

i call back 10 minutes later
he doesn't pick up
this is unlike him.
i call again 5 minutes later
and then again
no answer

i'm hysterical.
i imagine the worst
i google "killer stillwater oklahoma" for any breaking news headlines
i send a frantic email to his twin bro asking him to call me asap
every few minutes i dial m's phone number
it forwards to his voicemail.

forty five minutes later
m finally calls me back
i burst into tears
where were you?!? don't ever scare me like that again
i am sobbing.

he says he's so sorry
he was watching Little People, Big World
#




Sunday, November 07, 2010
      ( 1:25 PM ) shut up christine  
superhero accessories

these are things i have, that i like
....for the benefit of all humanity

even superheroes (like myself) wake up some mornings, take a long hard look in the mirror and ask,
does it matter yo?
in the grand scheme of things, will it really make a difference if i recycle this scrap of cardboard?

yup.

Between Thanksgiving and the New Year, Americans throw up to 25% more trash, amounting to a massive five million tons extra. Of this, about four millions tons is believed to be made up of wrapping paper and shopping bags.  www.hotfact.com/facts-about-trash-and-garbage.html

the cashier laughs and tells me that my groceries won't fit in my bag. ignorant fool, watch me! i proceed to fill one bag with 43 cans of lentil soup and a tofurkey hahaha i win!!  then i try to walk to my car as fast as i can so the cashier can't see that my arms are shaking uncontrollably under the weight heee.
these small stretchy bags carry a crapload.  strangers always ask where i got mine.  @ Whole Foods but you can get them online here

Americans buy an estimated 29.8 billion plastic water bottles every year.
Nearly eight out of every 10 bottles will end up in a landfill  earth911.com
these were on sale and i got two black ones (buy one get one free - $7.99) at cost plus world market


At the consumption level of the average American, at least four additional planets worth of resources would be needed to support the planet’s six billion inhabitants.
www.dumpandrun.org/garbage.htm


We could reduce our impact so much simply by packing our lunches in reusable  containers, vs styrofoam or paper bags.

I like using my metal tiffin lunchbox (also from cost plus world market) or this sistema lunch cube

my friend supun gifted me a to-go ware utensil set - comes with bamboo knife, fork, spoon and chopsticks, wrapped in a case made from recyled plastic bottles
#




Thursday, November 04, 2010
      ( 12:12 PM ) shut up christine  
i was browsing thru my archives trying to find the date i officially became vegetarian to celebrate my one year veggie anniversary, when i came upon this old post:


Saturday, December 19, 2009
      ( 8:38 PM ) shut up christine  

re-evaluating 2009

a few months ago i tried to comfort myself by asking what's the worst that could happen? 

and then the worst happened.

i told myself to shut up you self-absorbed twat, because there are people out there with real problems.
meanwhile i tried my best to pretend that this hole wasn't here, but failed, most days.
a few months have passed since then, and although i still can't honestly say that i'm perfectly fine and everything is just great...
i can confidently say that
i'm still breathing (huge revelation, i know.)
i have to take a lot of slow deep breaths, but, i'm still breathing :)

the other day i was at the gym
at the end of my run i looked down at the treadmill dashboard and i had run over 5 miles, surprisingly it wasn't difficult.
its amazing how things get so much easier over time
5 miles would've been impossible a few months ago
i've come a long way.

mark, in all his genius, responded to my initial question by asking what's the best that could happen?
and the best is happening now
i'm getting through it, one breath after another
so much good has come out of this, so many choices and changes.
like shwe would say, we can only grow from here


i remember how difficult this period was for me
i'm amazed how i no longer recognize this pain in myself.  the wounds have healed
so true.  it sucks balls at first
but you WILL get through it
trust
#




Tuesday, November 02, 2010
      ( 3:41 PM ) shut up christine  
fascinating

From Publishers Weekly

When 65-year-old Homer Collyer, blind and crippled by rheumatism, was found dead in his dilapidated, junk-filled Harlem brownstone in March 1947, the discovery made all of New York's newspapers, as did the subsequent hunt for his younger brother, Langley, whose body was finally located under piles of debris. [...] The compulsive hermits came from a respected, well-to-do family and were educated at Columbia, Homer as a lawyer and Langley, who was a talented pianist, as an engineer. They became part of New York lore in August 1938, when the World-Telegram wrote about the pair and their once-fashionable house on Fifth Avenue and 128th Street, which was crammed full of pianos, other instruments, bicycles, chandeliers, clocks and thousands of newspapers

have you seen the show Hoarders? love it.

i enjoy losing stuff, if that makes sense.  i think what i enjoy is the act of purging belongings
i wasn't always like this
i haven't forsaken material possessions by any means, and i'm not the tidiest person at all  
but
some objects give me anxiety
like if i have three extra pencils
it bothers me
i get the feeling that those pencils need to leave my space

like right now, i have one too many tote bags
hate it.
i have three cloth reusable grocery bags hanging on my closet doorknob
one of them gots to go
#




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"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
-Last words of Pancho Villa

I am a pencil
ready to write
my life
-Jessica, 4th grade

I Open My Eyes
Take The Crusts Out
Stretch Myself And Check (If I Haven’t)
Returned Again And Everything Is Okay
Still There Is Something Missing
Like All The Walls
-Staralfur, Sigur Ros

Muteness is a speech disorder in which a person lacks the power of articulate speech.

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