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Friday, January 30, 2009 ( 2:59 PM ) shut up christine when a customer is excessively rude to me, most of the time i smile and shrug it off because you know maybe they're having a bad day but right now, on the inside i am screaming what the fuck motherfucker fuck you ok back to work. check yourself, CB # Wednesday, January 28, 2009 ( 9:36 AM ) shut up christine We can do this with saltines and water, in fact I think we have done it with cigarettes and soup. I think we've done it with quotes and activities, with smile cards and hugs. All in faith that the goodness that is generated is making its way into people's hearts. Of course, the one heart that it is changing in that moment, is our own, and maybe that in itself is enough. If none of the Seva Guests are transformed, at least one volunteer is. We are all trying to walk it, and all trying to be it wherever we are. At work, with family, among friends, strangers etc. At some point it can actually become us, and even without us being aware things happen, kind of like the feet walking onwards with flowers sprouting up behind. And yet we all aren't it, not all the time anyway, many slips, fleeting moments of where our inattention gets the better of us. It happens to all of us. The larger question, I think, is why do we do all this. Is it that we care so much for the world that it actually hurts us when we see inequality. Is it that our emotional response is so sensitive that we must feel interconnected in some way. Or is that we see our life's experience here as vital, as important, that living a life without meaning would somehow reduce our journey here, and that is why, even without money, without sleep, without respect we forge on, because moving forward in this way keeps us from living in empty. I work now, many hours a day, devoted to something that I know isn't as fulfilling as doing what I used to. Part of me feels like I've given up, knowing that I still had a lot more to give, a longer way to go. Many would say that I'm still doing it, yet I know, that moving in that direction takes a lot more than I'm giving now. Part of me feels that it is okay. That what I needed to experience I did. One does not need to travel the entire universe to understand the nature of things. Its a world of two truths. Truth one: All you need is love. Truth Two: You need money. These two truths conflict and are obviously reeking havoc on everyone's mentality. Sometimes you need to give everything up just to see where you stand. But, these two truths still exist. Living in just one truth isn't the complete universe. Loans, taxes, interest rates, properties, jobs, groceries, unfortunately are all part of the truth. (just as vital to our being here as compassion, giving and love. where we go from here as a society, well, that's still up for grabs.) Most of the time we don't get to choose why we are the way we are. Why we need to go through certain experiences, what it is that we have to learn. All I know is that despite the hardships, the trouble with the families, I think that we have still lived some extremely meaningful moments, maybe more so than most. It's not ours to brag, we are just fortunate, even though at times we may feel lost and confused, the moments we have lived have been amazing. Sometimes I wonder if I would choose it all over again, and then I remember that I never really had a choice. Ultimately all the rhetoric at the Seva Cafe, all the theory around service, all the projects, they all fall away. All that truly matters in the end is what kind of experience we are having. Has it been a worthwhile journey. Christine Bulaoro, what is that life has in store for you next? What is it that you are to experience? And, can I still be a part of that? # Tuesday, January 27, 2009 ( 2:46 PM ) shut up christine a tenet of Seva Cafe is that it's an experiment in trust. on a surface level we operate in relation to the kindness of strangers - someone has given so you can eat, and you can give for the people who come after you, or not but the trust part is not that we believe envelopes will get filled and that a restaurant can be sustained on this model the trust lies in the belief that the goodness we are trying to generate through service, whether its washing dishes, chopping garlic, or serving guests, will somehow ripple out beyond those four walls. and if that happens, the experiment works and in the end the money doesn't matter, running a restaurant doesn't matter. i can say it, but do i really understand what it means? if we served saltines and water, could we accomplish the same? can i walk the talk, can i apply this to other aspects of my life - i work at a motel and i get paid peanuts but i have the flexibility to work on volunteer stuff. can i trust the experiment when its not a restaurant but myself that needs sustaining? do i listen when someone says there is a "better way to spend my time" and do i understand what they are asking does it matter? i mean does It matter? # Monday, January 26, 2009 ( 11:18 AM ) shut up christine   my new bro. welcome to the family aldy! yes, that is a Charger pin on his lapel more here, courtesy of {j a c} # Saturday, January 24, 2009 ( 8:20 AM ) shut up christine give old people an inch and they take a mile after reluctantly teaching my dad (who just turned 65 by the way) how to use the internet NOW he wants to know other things like how to use my garmin GPS to get to San Diego it took me 30 minutes to explain and i bet you $100 he's going to call my sister for directions old people -_- ps i say this with love because i know 40 years from now i'm gonna be a hella annoying old person and my kids better deal with it, suckas # Thursday, January 15, 2009 ( 11:02 AM ) shut up christine i will find a way to make it happen # Tuesday, January 13, 2009 ( 2:14 AM ) shut up christine  the story of how Kuo became my best friend in highschool i didn't get along with my dad, and during winter break of my senior year he and i got into our worst fight, a fistfight with chair-throwing and bruises and blood before you judge, both of us were to blame. anyway, that night i needed someone to talk to Kuo happened to be online i spilled my guts and he listened when we came back from winter break, when Kuo saw me he turned around and started walking the other way he avoided me the rest of the year he even RAN away from me once he put up away messages whenever i signed onto AIM i still checked his AIM profile everyday after we graduated and moved to our respective universities, ocassionally i would IM him "are you there?" he never responded and eventually i removed his screen name from my AIM buddies list i regretted saying anything to him in the first place about two years later, out of the blue i get an IM from him: something to the effect of "you should update your blog more often" which surprised me, 1) because i didn't know he read this and 2) I thought he hated me. good thing i never published all the shit i wrote about him. jk. 4 years later, i wrote this post 2 years after that, he still holds the titulo by the way, he doesn't remember being a jerk but he feels really bad about it. its okay though, back then i was mentally unstable and he was a socially awkward emotionally inept dork struggling to understand his own life, much less mine not much has changed actually bff 4evaz edit: omg i just reread this post after sleeping on it and its kind of a downer. sorry kuo. i want to reiterate that i heart him with all my heart, he is an amazing person and i'm lucky to have him in my life # Monday, January 12, 2009 ( 3:02 AM ) shut up christine i haven't worked for pay since June 11, 2007 tomorrow i start my first day at a new job! at a motel when i tell people this, i watch their eyes very carefully its okay, i'm not offended at all :) my favorite moment at Nanet's wedding: halfway through the Father Daughter Dance, my dad motions for my mom and me to join them on the dance floor so the four of us are hugging and holding hands in a circle and dancing to the music my dad has tears dripping down his face and he says to me "you cry, you cry" so that he's not the only one crying like a big baby and of course the three of us girls laugh at him oh papas one of my top ten life moments of all time i know i should just say it and get it over with what's the worst that could happen? it wouldn't be that bad # Friday, January 09, 2009 ( 4:13 AM ) shut up christine eek i almost got dreadlocks remind me to brush my hair Nanet is getting married tomorrow can't sleep # Tuesday, January 06, 2009 ( 12:08 AM ) shut up christine to start the new year written on a comment card left at the Seva Cafe It touches me that there are kind Friday, January 02, 2009 ( 1:43 PM ) shut up christine LOOK me in the face and tell me these aren't cute  i wish i had a boyfriend so i could make him wear them # |
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