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Wednesday, January 28, 2009 ( 9:36 AM ) shut up christine We can do this with saltines and water, in fact I think we have done it with cigarettes and soup. I think we've done it with quotes and activities, with smile cards and hugs. All in faith that the goodness that is generated is making its way into people's hearts. Of course, the one heart that it is changing in that moment, is our own, and maybe that in itself is enough. If none of the Seva Guests are transformed, at least one volunteer is. We are all trying to walk it, and all trying to be it wherever we are. At work, with family, among friends, strangers etc. At some point it can actually become us, and even without us being aware things happen, kind of like the feet walking onwards with flowers sprouting up behind. And yet we all aren't it, not all the time anyway, many slips, fleeting moments of where our inattention gets the better of us. It happens to all of us. The larger question, I think, is why do we do all this. Is it that we care so much for the world that it actually hurts us when we see inequality. Is it that our emotional response is so sensitive that we must feel interconnected in some way. Or is that we see our life's experience here as vital, as important, that living a life without meaning would somehow reduce our journey here, and that is why, even without money, without sleep, without respect we forge on, because moving forward in this way keeps us from living in empty. I work now, many hours a day, devoted to something that I know isn't as fulfilling as doing what I used to. Part of me feels like I've given up, knowing that I still had a lot more to give, a longer way to go. Many would say that I'm still doing it, yet I know, that moving in that direction takes a lot more than I'm giving now. Part of me feels that it is okay. That what I needed to experience I did. One does not need to travel the entire universe to understand the nature of things. Its a world of two truths. Truth one: All you need is love. Truth Two: You need money. These two truths conflict and are obviously reeking havoc on everyone's mentality. Sometimes you need to give everything up just to see where you stand. But, these two truths still exist. Living in just one truth isn't the complete universe. Loans, taxes, interest rates, properties, jobs, groceries, unfortunately are all part of the truth. (just as vital to our being here as compassion, giving and love. where we go from here as a society, well, that's still up for grabs.) Most of the time we don't get to choose why we are the way we are. Why we need to go through certain experiences, what it is that we have to learn. All I know is that despite the hardships, the trouble with the families, I think that we have still lived some extremely meaningful moments, maybe more so than most. It's not ours to brag, we are just fortunate, even though at times we may feel lost and confused, the moments we have lived have been amazing. Sometimes I wonder if I would choose it all over again, and then I remember that I never really had a choice. Ultimately all the rhetoric at the Seva Cafe, all the theory around service, all the projects, they all fall away. All that truly matters in the end is what kind of experience we are having. Has it been a worthwhile journey. Christine Bulaoro, what is that life has in store for you next? What is it that you are to experience? And, can I still be a part of that? #
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