| shut up christine | |
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Monday, February 11, 2002 ( 1:40 AM ) shut up christine I have a feeling that today will be one of those crazy days where I’m stressed up the wazoo. I’m going to imagine that it’ll be a REALLY bad day knock on wood, so that when it turns out to be a not-so-bad-day, I’ll be glad that it wasn’t as bad as I thought. Could that sentence be any longer? “F**K me! What time is it? WHAT TIME IS IT??” 3:28 pm...psychology midterm started freakin 28 minutes ago! Christine shot out of bed, grabbed a pencil, and bolted out the door…but dagnabbit! Hellz nah this cannot be happening…of all the days in the month why did she have to get her rag now??? “Come on, come on, come on” Christine tore open her underwear drawer but not a single clean pair of undies was in sight. “Oh great. Just grreat.” She fumbled through her laundry hamper and pulled out some week-old tighty-whities…or in this case, tighty-brownies. *Sniff sniff* Eeesh… these will just have to do. She turned it inside-out and yanked it on *Aiiyyyyyy! Too fast, too fast!*, slammed on a pad (with the wrapper still on), and charged down campus to the Engineering Lecture Hall. While cutting through Aldrich Park, the left rubber strap of her cheap-ass thong sandal disintegrated into powder so she ran barefoot until her big fat toe got caught in some gnarly tree roots and she fell flat on her face. “$*@!#%^&!!” She kicked the trunk with her other good foot but then doubled over in pain when she remembered she was wearing thong sandals. Uggh. Somehow she managed to hobble into ELH. The T.A. handed her a test form and said “Hurry up… you only have 8.45 minutes left.” “Thank you, thank you!” Christine plopped down into the nearest empty seat, pulled out a scantron sheet from her pajama pocket, and proceeded to answer the first test question. *Click. Click click. Click click click click* THERE WAS NO F-EN LEAD IN HER F-EN MECHANICAL PENCIL. In a weird miracle twist of fate, the dirt underneath her fingernails (from when she clawed her big toe free from the tree root) was EXACTLY the same shade of black as a number 2 pencil! Hallelujah!! Christine breezed thru the test with .11 seconds left to spare. BOOYAH! WHO’S YOUR DADDY? DIDN’T THINK I WOULD MAKE IT, DID YOU? With a huge smile on her face, she pranced up to the T.A. and handed in her scantron. “Sorry, your scantron is crumpled. We can’t accept this. AUTOMATIC FAIL. MUAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAAA.” And Christine was so sad, even her boobs hurt. Holy caca it’s 1:40 am…I should be studying. Wish me luck! #
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