( 10:19 PM ) shut up christine
3 unrelated thoughts
it took me a long time to let it go, and even when i thought i had
it would come back occasionally and i hated you
not because of anything you did (even though you did some crappy things) but because i was so different before you came
i was so trusting and generous back then and i hated you for killing that in me.
but if not you, then i would've blamed someone else.
it could've been anyone, unfortunately i placed it on your shoulders.
i realize that i didn't hate you, i hated those aspects in myself
you and i are mirrors of each other
and i can say thank you now, thank you for helping me see that clearly.
*
kermit is packing up his apartment and traveling the world indefinitely. we had one of those conversations, the kind you have when you know you won't be seeing someone for a long time.
he was serving my vipassana course on the 1 year anniversary of his mom's passing. we've been through a lot together. i asked him if he knows what he wants in life, he asked me the same.
i feel that i have practically everything.
anything after this is bonus.
*
you are the cause of so much goodness in my life
but i'm not in it for you or because of you.
when you are around, i'm thankful.
when you aren't, all the qualities i love about you i try to cultivate in myself.
having you in my life has made me strong, but in your absence i'm even stronger
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