( 11:48 PM ) shut up christine
there's a folder in my gmail account labeled "loved"
in it are some of the most beautiful, along with some of the most painful emails i've ever read
spanning over the course of a few years
i read through all of them again.
i'm going to delete you now
the things i want to remember i've committed to memory
for my last few sits i've been trying to pinpoint this feeling in my chest and throat and underneath my eyelids
and i finally figured out what it is
i think this is what gratitude feels like
pure, 24 karat, 200-proof gratitude
i asked myself tons of questions these past few months
i answered all of them
except the last unanswerable one - how could i not be thankful?
in spite of everything, how could i not be overwhelmed with gratitude for you, and for everything that has passed between us and for who i've become as a result of all these things...better.
it is impossible to not be
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