shut up christine


Tuesday, December 13, 2011
      ( 10:50 AM ) shut up christine  
life

oops my blog had its 10th birthday and i forgot

10 years written down
i'm glad its here for me to look back on

i have tried to be honest here
so that when i look back, its me
and not some character i made up

makoto and i have been fighting
i don't know if we can fix it
granted, his "fighting" is still very sweet,
for example, one time he made lunch for me
but we had an argument
so he took my food and ate it.
even when he's trying to be mean, he's not really.
he's a nice guy

but
and this is where i might get in trouble later for being so honest but here goes anyway
i don't get along with his brother
his twin brother
evil twin brother.  just kidding.
i can get along with twin bro when i try, and g'lord i've been trying
but sometimes i think i am just suppressing my anger, which isn't good either.
recently, i blew up and finally unleashed the bitch on twin bro, which has severed my relationship with him.  it totally shocked twin bro too, that's how good i was at hiding it.  that's me, Drama.
part of me is shaking my head, saying why are you telling people this? and why can't you rise above it?

this is who i am, and i'm deeply flawed
i hope makoto and i are strong enough to weather this storm
i love him a lot
#




Comments:
If I had a twin brother and the woman I loved didn't get along with him, I think I'd be conflicted. I'd hope she got along with him because he's my brother and it would make things seemingly easier, not that ANYTHING is ever easy. But...there'd be a huge part of me that also would exhale upon learning of the trouble. Not because of happiness, but because it'd be so nice to know that someone so cool could find my twin and I so different, especially when I knew that cool person loved me. Which I'm sure (in your and M's case) you both know.

"this is who I am, and i'm deeply flawed" is exactly where I am at right now, myself. I say that as ANYTHING BUT a complaint; I've never been more hopeful about my life...but it does seem dramatic. It's not. It's feelings and heart and life.

I'm going to roll with it. You do the same, C. It's all going to work out great. :)

And congratulations on 10 years!!!!!
 
M, thank you so much for your kind words. Shortly after writing the entry, Makoto and I decided that it would be best to end our relationship. And then we came back to our senses and worked through it. There is a deeper appreciation for each other that wasn't apparent before. Nobody said it was going to be easy :) Thank you and happy holidays!
 
We are all flawed and there's something quite lovely about that. What a hard place to be in...loving a man, but not liking his twin. Tough one. I truly hope it all works out.
 
Thank you Kawani!! The last few days between Makoto and I have been so... beautiful. I have learned a lot about kindness and humility.
 
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"Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something."
-Last words of Pancho Villa

I am a pencil
ready to write
my life
-Jessica, 4th grade

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Take The Crusts Out
Stretch Myself And Check (If I Haven’t)
Returned Again And Everything Is Okay
Still There Is Something Missing
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Muteness is a speech disorder in which a person lacks the power of articulate speech.

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