| shut up christine | |
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Monday, May 07, 2012 ( 12:05 PM ) shut up christine old seva letters how are you feeling? has anyone else responded with their availability? looks like (hard)core is limited to about 3 people so my thoughts are at the end of the day someone has to show up and do the work - which you already know. but as good as our intentions are, we can't force it if the bandwidth isn't there. i know that you, personally, are willing to take on a lot, and i know that you will handle it much better than i was able to...but to give you my most honest opinion - it will take so much more than the commitment of 3 people. it's one thing to give a verbal agreement but when it gets down to it, who is coming to the meetings, and who is taking the time to reply to these emails. i have the same questions for you: - can you let it go if it isn't the right time? (but then again, is there ever going to be a right time?) - what are your reasons? sorry i keep asking you this question. sorry dude. i keep asking because its comforting knowing that you're coming from the right place, even though i'm not. when its 4am and you're still awake i hope your reasons are strong enough to carry you but i'm not too worried about that..you're much stronger than me in that way, for sure. ... this was mostly to voice my own struggle with seva, and how difficult it is finding my place in it. unlike most people who have an actual good reason for not being able to commit - like school, work, babies, or weddings, my reason is that my heart isn't in it anymore :( and that hasn't been an easy thing for me to admit. i'm torn between doing what is selfish for myself, and doing what is necessary. if there are people who really want to see this go forward, i should push my feelings aside and support in whatever way i can, while trying to be as honest as possible, with them, and with myself. i'm still trying to figure out what that means. i've been thinking about seva a lot. regrets, maybe. there are so many things i would have done differently if i could go back i keep returning to one seemingly small incident it was close to the end of the night a few orders were waiting to be filled, we had run out of the beans that we used in one of the dishes instead of opening up a new can, i said we were out of that menu item for the night it was my call i'm sorry i should have served you #
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