| shut up christine | |
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Monday, September 03, 2012 ( 11:54 PM ) shut up christine
4:03 PM friend: how is everything?
still on the route to engagement......
4:04 PM me: we're good. no engagement at this moment but that has become less important to me now
friend: what do you mean?
4:05 PM me: in my mind i felt i needed an engagement to be sure that he would stay with me. i needed official validation
friend: i understand that
4:06 PM me: makoto rarely says i love you to me. he loves me so much, but he rarely says it. when he does say it, its after i ask him if he loves me
friend: TOTALLY understand that.
totally.
me: yeahhh. i don't think i need the formality as much anymore
4:07 PM i still want to be married but i'm not upset that he hasn't proposed yet...which i was before :)
friend: what changed?
4:09 PM
not sure what changed. i gave him an ultimatum a few months ago...can you believe that i actually said to him if you don't propose by august, i'll take that to mean that you're not sure if you love me/want to marry me
friend: i believe it and understand it
4:10 PM me: i had to work on my own issues with it. ask myself why i needed it so badly. i'm insecure in that way
4:11 PM friend: i would have never thought that about you. ever.
4:12 PM me: i am sooo insecure
4:13 PM but we are at a good place and i'm happy with it. i think i will start worrying if 2 or 3 more years pass and he still hasn't proposed but i'll cross that bridge when i get to it :)
4:14 PM friend: :)
insecure in general? or just relationships?
4:15 PM me: both. i am highly insecure. i think that's why i hate having my picture taken
4:16 PM friend: >: (
4:17 PM me: i gots issues!
friend: me too
4:18 PM me: don't we all
#
sometimes talking it out with a good friend is exactly what you need
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