unsure what to say. it comes out of nowhere
i was told i broke my mom's heart, nine years ago, i think?
when i said fuck you to my parents
my mom has never forgiven me for saying those words
i should just apologize, they said
would that fix us? would that make you happy
did i ever ask my dad to apologize for what happened that day
for pinning me against a
desk and strangling me? for trying to hit me in the head with a stepladder
were you trying to kill me then? i never questioned it
have i ever asked you to apologize for the beatings
for the names
have i ever fucking asked you??
i stopped talking for a long time as a child
it took me years of hard work to overcome my shyness and anxiety
to speak without having back pain. without shaking
you will never get an apology from me
i broke your heart?
you broke me long before that
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